Monday, April 28, 2008

Where Have All the Fashion Magazines Gone?

The fashion magazine is a dying breed. I'm talking about a true fashion magazine, not magazines that claim to be fashion magazines, but are really WOMEN'S magazines. In my world that means:
1. No health tips or information on the latest DISEASE affecting WOMEN - the ONE THAT WILL SURPRISE YOU! (I prefer my medical information be from medical professionals, thank you very much)
2. No diets or MIRACLE FOODS that WILL get you bikini-body ready IN TIME FOR SUMMER (uh-huh)
3. No interviews unless they are focusing on fashion (clothes, shoes, makeup, hair, home, etc)
4. No politics (that's what Newsweek and CNN are for)
5. No social issues (unless I can fund them by buying a cute shirt or recycling my shampoo bottle - see number 4)
6. No spreads of celebrities at parties (unless we are mocking or coveting what they are wearing, because who wants to see pictures of people having great fun at a party they weren't invited to?) 7. No sex (and, for the love of all that is good and holy, no euphamisms for female genitalia - I saw an issue of Cosmo at the nail salon on Saturday that actually had "va-jay-jay" on the cover. Seriously.)

I have now had to rule out damn near everything in print. Now, there is some great stuff online, but I like the whole turning pages aspect of print material, so there. Lucky passes muster, but they are getting on my nerves as they don't seem to realize that most of us are over the age of 25 and don't give a crap what their nineteen year-old flavors of the month are wearing. I like about half of the average issue of InStyle, but that's about it. It has gotten so bleak that I now treat my catalogs as magazines and get excited when they come in the mail. It seems like the old guard - Marie Claire, Vogue, Allure, Glamour, Elle and the like - have all morphed into one publication titled iM VAGuE.

But They're Not Comfortable

I have a friend who won't wear heels because "they're not comfortable." Have you heard this one? Keep in mind that this friend once wore a rather unfortunate ensemble (at home) that involved a significant camel toe. My argument here is that in no way is a camel toe ever comfortable (or attractive, but that's a whole other eggplant), so clearly comfort cannot be the only consideration here. So, why exclude beautiful shoes from your wardrobe if you're going to allow the above travesty?

Now, I will admit that my running shoes are more appropriate for walking than four-inch platforms, but that doesn't mean I'm going to wear them with a pencil skirt. And I have to say that many of my heels are no less comfortable than my flats (and so much cuter!). I only have one pair of heels that are actually uncomfortable. My four-inch leopard platforms are four hour shoes (meaning that I regret wearing them after four hours). Usually if heels are getting unpleasant, sitting down will relieve the discomfort; however, this particular pair of shoes is not improved by sitting. It has to be something to do with the design, since I have other shoes in similar styles, the same height (or higher) that are not uncomfortable. Regardless, don't knock it until you've tried it and slip on some heels!

And, now about that other issue... if your girly parts are visible, your pants don't fit. It's not comfortable for the rest of us (and I don't know how it could be for you).