Monday, April 28, 2008

Where Have All the Fashion Magazines Gone?

The fashion magazine is a dying breed. I'm talking about a true fashion magazine, not magazines that claim to be fashion magazines, but are really WOMEN'S magazines. In my world that means:
1. No health tips or information on the latest DISEASE affecting WOMEN - the ONE THAT WILL SURPRISE YOU! (I prefer my medical information be from medical professionals, thank you very much)
2. No diets or MIRACLE FOODS that WILL get you bikini-body ready IN TIME FOR SUMMER (uh-huh)
3. No interviews unless they are focusing on fashion (clothes, shoes, makeup, hair, home, etc)
4. No politics (that's what Newsweek and CNN are for)
5. No social issues (unless I can fund them by buying a cute shirt or recycling my shampoo bottle - see number 4)
6. No spreads of celebrities at parties (unless we are mocking or coveting what they are wearing, because who wants to see pictures of people having great fun at a party they weren't invited to?) 7. No sex (and, for the love of all that is good and holy, no euphamisms for female genitalia - I saw an issue of Cosmo at the nail salon on Saturday that actually had "va-jay-jay" on the cover. Seriously.)

I have now had to rule out damn near everything in print. Now, there is some great stuff online, but I like the whole turning pages aspect of print material, so there. Lucky passes muster, but they are getting on my nerves as they don't seem to realize that most of us are over the age of 25 and don't give a crap what their nineteen year-old flavors of the month are wearing. I like about half of the average issue of InStyle, but that's about it. It has gotten so bleak that I now treat my catalogs as magazines and get excited when they come in the mail. It seems like the old guard - Marie Claire, Vogue, Allure, Glamour, Elle and the like - have all morphed into one publication titled iM VAGuE.

But They're Not Comfortable

I have a friend who won't wear heels because "they're not comfortable." Have you heard this one? Keep in mind that this friend once wore a rather unfortunate ensemble (at home) that involved a significant camel toe. My argument here is that in no way is a camel toe ever comfortable (or attractive, but that's a whole other eggplant), so clearly comfort cannot be the only consideration here. So, why exclude beautiful shoes from your wardrobe if you're going to allow the above travesty?

Now, I will admit that my running shoes are more appropriate for walking than four-inch platforms, but that doesn't mean I'm going to wear them with a pencil skirt. And I have to say that many of my heels are no less comfortable than my flats (and so much cuter!). I only have one pair of heels that are actually uncomfortable. My four-inch leopard platforms are four hour shoes (meaning that I regret wearing them after four hours). Usually if heels are getting unpleasant, sitting down will relieve the discomfort; however, this particular pair of shoes is not improved by sitting. It has to be something to do with the design, since I have other shoes in similar styles, the same height (or higher) that are not uncomfortable. Regardless, don't knock it until you've tried it and slip on some heels!

And, now about that other issue... if your girly parts are visible, your pants don't fit. It's not comfortable for the rest of us (and I don't know how it could be for you).

Monday, February 25, 2008

Shop til You Drop

So, Saturday morning LooLoo, BooBoo, The Cheap Chick and I headed over to the Mall of America. It was ridiculously hot and crowded (as is typical on a Saturday around lunchtime), but The Cheap Chick found herself a hottie bar shirt. And I didn't buy anything (except some food to quiet the wee ones). However, a few short hours later LooLoo, BooBoo and I met NaNa over at Southdale. I did not leave there without buying anything. I found chocolate pants for $9.99, jeans for $5.99, a couple of bracelets, a headband and a pair of sunglasses for LooLoo - all for less than $10 each. So, the sales at New York and Company were impossible to resist. Sigh.

I'd say I am adequately outfitted for the next century, but I know myself better than that. Now I just need to put some cute outfits together to make it all worthwhile!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Happy and Relaxed

I just came back from a girls' weekend in Western Minnesota. The Blonde One gave me a spa weekend getaway for Christmas, so I invited three of my girlfriends to join me. We had a really great time! I didn't count a single calorie and ate whatever I wanted. (I definitely ate much less than I would have normally - it was actually quite disturbing.) I got a manicure, a pedicure, a wrap, a facial and an eye treatment. I slept in, drank beer, went to a wine tasting, ate junk, took naps and watched absolutely no kid TV. I bought clothes for LooLoo and BooBoo and a BUNCH of stuff just for me! My catalog order came yesterday and that was a black dress (see below) I'd been coveting FOREVER and a camel swing blazer (envision Jackie O). I also got an olive safari-esque shirtdress, chocolate flip-flops, a long chocolate puffer jacket with faux fur trim, three more pairs of my favorite skivvies, a long red sweater coat, green sweat pants, green long-sleeved tee and a green v-neck tee (are you sensing a trend here?). Oh, yeah - I got a fantastic pair of shoes last night when I went shopping with LooLoo and BooBoo. I have to stop!

Shout outs to: The Blonde One for being an awesome guy and taking such good care of his loony wife; Sah-wa, J to the H and J to the B for whooping it up with me; MIL & FIL for hanging out with LooLoo and BooBoo; LooLoo and BooBoo for being my sweet potato bugs.

Monday: Nothing attractive, since I had the day off and spent it in Mom garb
Tuesday: Turquoise long-sleeved tee, new black tunic dress, turquoise drop earrings, black tights and black & silver high-heeled boots

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

You Can Pinch One Less Inch!

I have lost a full inch on each my waist and hips. I am so excited! I don't have a scale, so I'm not tracking my weight very well, but it's just gravity anyway.

I was able to wear a pair of pants yesterday that had NEVER fit! I got them from a catalog (they were VERY inexpensive) and had never been able to wear them. I was able to get them buttoned if I put on Spanx, but it wasn't pretty and I sure wouldn't have been comfortable. However, I wore them yesterday without any special undergarments or discomfort! Being able to wear things that haven't fit for a while (or ever) feels like I've just come home from a shopping spree, but it's already paid for.

Monday: heathered green tee, chocolate cardigan, camel cords, gold & green bangles, olive Skechers
Tuesday: purple 3/4 sleeved button-down, purple argyle sweater vest, black wide-legged pants, silver & pearl multi-strand chain necklace, black patent pee-toe pumps
Wednesday: white ribbed tank, salmon-y 3/4 sleeved tunic, mid-rinse jeans (ON), mixed stone necklace, turquoise earrings & bracelets, fUggs

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Boo-tay Be Gone!

It's only been a couple of weeks that I've been diligently eating 1200 calories per day and I am proud to report that I have lost a full inch from both my waist and my boo-tay. Yippee! I am currently wearing my favorite jeans (dark rinse Long & Lean from the Gap) which had not fit for over six months. Whoopee! Also, let me shout out to The Schma who is also working on decreasing her girth - we have some nasty gene pool baddies to fight off.

For the record, 1200 calories kind of sucks, but I'm making it work with small portions and lots of produce. No one should eat fewer than 1200 calories without medical supervision and everyone should listen to their bodies. Case in point, if I NEED to eat (like I'm dizzy or uncomfortable or feeling shaky or whatever), I will have a bowl of cereal (measured to one serving size) even though that may put me over my preferred caloric allotment - no passing out for The Material Girl!

Now I just have to get some more activity...

Monday: mid-rinse jeans (S & B), pale yellow tank, coral v-neck sweater, fUggs
Tuesday: dark rinse jeans (Mossimo), black v-neck tee, camel cardi-wrap secured with antique pin, antiqued silver earrings, black & silver belt, black & camel pointy-toed stilettos (thanks to The Cheap Chick for my new footwear!)
Wednesday: wine-colored button down, brown plaid pants, garnet studs, large gold circle necklace, red platform peep-toe pumps
Thursday: Inspi(red) v-neck tee, camel cord blazer, dark rinse Long & Leans, black & gold belt, garnet studs, black round-toe wedges

Thursday, January 10, 2008

What Did I Get Myself Into?

My girlfriend, Sanchez, recently asked me to join her in a pact. Of course, I said, What kind of pact? We will wear string bikinis when we are 40. Excuse me? I have NEVER worn a string bikini - bikini yes, string no - especially since giving birth twice. However, I am a determined little Material Girl and since I have entered into such an insane bargain, I intend to meet the challenge. Sanchez (it comes from Naughty T-shirt Night at a Girls' Weekend) has fewer years to reach the 40 mark, but she's starting out a helluva lot smaller than I am, so I think that makes us pretty much even. Yikes! I am still following the 1200 calorie plan and may be doing so for the next 4.5 to start exercising more...

Wednesday: red v-neck tee, black fleece hoody, silver necklace, silver CZ studs, black belt with silver buckle, black skinny jeans and black kicks (this may be a repeat outfit)
Thursday: black v-neck long-sleeved tee, turquoise earrings and bracelets, black pashmina as a scarf, black belt with silver buckle, super-dark jeans (bought on sale at Banana Republic for $23.99 from $128.00 while shopping with Sanchez) and super-fabulous turquoise and yellow hidden platform pumps -- This outfit is ALL about the shoes!